Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
