Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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