Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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