people are starting to question the shark bite story
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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