I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
