dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
