Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
