All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
