I hate your face
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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