I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
