it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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