How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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