Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
