Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
