Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
