You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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