I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
