I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
