She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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