If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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