you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
