i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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