Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
