At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
