just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I did not marry a roomba.
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