I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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