I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
