That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
