I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
