She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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