So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
