Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
