is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
