I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
