i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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