Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
