pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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