It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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