So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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