Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
