So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
