I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
