He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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