We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
