you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
