Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
