Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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