My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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