thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
