plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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