Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
