He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
